A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant. And in the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

Little Johnny asks his father:
“Where does the wind come from?”

“I don’t know”

“Why do dogs bark?”

“I don’t know”

“Why is the earth round?”

“I don’t know”

“Does it disturb you that I ask so much?”

“No son. Please ask. Otherwise you will never learn anything.”


Police Officer: “Can I identify yourself.”

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: “Yes, it’s me”


Pessimist: “Things just can’t get any worse.”

Optimist: “Nah, of course they can.”


Dentist: “You need a crown.”

Patient: “Finally someone who understands me.”


Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.

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