HUMOROLOGY — EQUALAND; A Land Of Equals And Unique Systems


Satirical, and humorous description of a fictional country, its geography, institutions, systems, and working, full of humor, entertainment and enjoyment.


The country is situated poles apart from the two poles,  cutting right across the Equalator, maybe that was the reason of giving it the name, Equaland. However, according to another view, it was named after, “Equality”, one of the Fundamental Principles of the country’s Constitution.

The total area of the country varies depending on the nature of its borders, i.e. ideological, constitutional, physical, or according to the writ of the state. The total population is not known because of lack of any proper census, but between 150 to 250 million. The first census 30 years back could not be held due to difference of opinion between the Government and the Opposition on treating the third gender as man or woman. The next attempt took place 10 years ago and after actual count, some ambiguities led to the withholding of the results. The results showed that the number of houses in the country was more than the number of people. According to rumors there was a mix between the two. The second, controversy was about the total number of women in the 30-40 years bracket, which was  13 only . Due to the controversies, the Government constituted a Commission to find out the truth and its deliberations are continuing. The woman member of the Commission however, resigned after the first meeting of the Commission citing gender bias in not accepting the result of the Census as the reason.

The climate of the country is mostly hot and humid round the year except when some cricketing wind starts blowing or, during the political hunting season of General Elections when a lot of money and comedy starts raining giving rise to welfare activities, improvement in job opportunities, and a proportionate decrease in the moral and financial conditions of those running for elections. All sections of population enjoy the entertainment that follows. There is a continuous demand for annual elections as it would lead to an egalitarian society based on equality and social justice as propounded by the founders. The move is only opposed by the parties who are either in power or those who hope to gain power.

The country has Formoncracy form of government, based on the system of people electing their representatives on the inspiration provided by force or money. The political system is based on Kinmybest principle and there is almost a political consensus on the matter. Only those parties whose leaders are bachelor or don’t have children are opposing this move.

Mentally the population of the country stands divided into four categories.

People,   who are in the Government or in the ruling class.

People,   who aspires for  Government or  for  ruling class.

People,    who opposes all governments all the time.

People,    who damn cares about anything.

The, corresponding ratio of each category is 5%, 20%, 30% and 45% of the population.

LAW AND ORDER

The country is well known for its innovative law and order and security systems. Law remains under the cloud of controversy, and the order under the hammer on the table of justices   or  with  waiters  in  restaurants.

The police force is dedicated to the physical, financial and mental well being as well as protocol of leaders, official functionaries and dignitaries as well as their families.

Intelligence agencies are constantly working and looking for, and looking after the intelligent ones for defending the national interests.

The military since 9/11 is concentrating on ensuring the security of a lot of countries including its own. It is engaged to the extent that it not thinking about the periodic nation building venture.

There is a two tier justice system:

SUPERIOR COURTS

OMNIPOTENCE, OMNIPRESENCE AND OMNISCIENCE is the motto, with Following Principles Of  Policy.

1. Every matter except that which the court thinks is outside its jurisdiction, is within its jurisdiction.

2.   2. Unity of thoughts and in decisions.

3. Reforms in all other institutions.

4. Blanket immunity for lawyers and media.

5. Strict adherence to the concept of “Justice should be seen and heard to have been done”.

6. Elasticity in finding violation of Fundamental Human Rights as enshrined in the

Constitution according to people’s wishful thinking.

OTHER COURTS

These courts follow the Rule Of Law(ers). Lawyers have developed an effective system of overseeing that the law(er) takes its own course, followed by the courts. A system of collective wisdom of judges, lawyers, court officials and the willing case parties is successfully administering justice. The courts although constitutionally report to the superior courts, they have dotted reporting relationship with the Bar Associations/Councils.

Every state institution being bound by the principle of Equality is making efforts to become equal to the other institution in jurisdiction, power, and privileges.

HEALTH AND EDUCATION

The country achieved self-sufficiency in  education and health after empowering the parents and patients to look after their own needs. The money thus saved is utilized for the welfare of the people.

AGRICULTURE

Agriculture sector is the story of a successful public- private partnership. Government gives incentives to increase production by increasing the support prices of agricultural produce as well as tax free income to land owners. The land owners in return give bumper crops and create more leaders for assemblies, really a win-win situation for both.

INDUSTRY

Although lacking behind in basic infrastructure, during the last 10 years there has been a positive change and rumor based industries have started flourishing. Being the leader of fourth estate electronic media is playing an important role in bringing about changes having far reaching effects. Enjoying blanket immunity from law due to its pre-Judiciary- independence parental role, having support of opposition parties, and enjoying good public view for providing entertainment and information (even before it comes into existence), it is fast becoming the strongest institution and is modeling itself on lines of East India Company.

The anchors of current affairs programs are showing the way. They know all the subjects under the sun, talk with authority and have proved that formal knowledge, training and experience are no match to the qualities and skills required for creating an environment conducive to making the participants show their own , as well as natural personality of the opposing participants.

They and their shows are playing important role with respect to legislature, judiciary as well as executive. They act as a training institution for the legislatures by imparting knowledge and experience of verbal communication, handling and building pressure, patience and self-control. They give a forum to the members of the assemblies to meet and discuss all important issues, which they could not do earlier due to their continued absence from assemblies.

Their talk shows, act as a preliminary judicial forum for trial of people.

They act as an example of truth, virtue, wisdom, and intelligence and a full-time free (also paid?) adviser to the executive.

The foreign policy of the country is based on 8-H concept, “Fully follow foreign friendly friends for future freedom”.

UNIQUE FEATURES OF  EQUALAND

1. The politicians stand as candidate for seat in the assemblies, don’t sit in the assemblies and run for offices.

2. The judicial system after gaining independence has found the experiment of Trade Unionism and sustaining pre-independence- coalition as the most effective method of protecting its independence.

3. The lawmakers instead of law making are more interested in law breaking, sewerage and police station management

4. The fourth estate remains in a state of preparedness against any attempt to disturb status quo about itself, and continue to raise voice against the discredited political status quo.

Law is the beloved of all the institutions.

The Legislature calls it its creation and wants it at its side.

The Judiciary declares that it is nothing, but what it says it is, it should follow the judicial dictates.

The Executive says that it is its constitutional responsibility to keep Law and Order, as the Order has been snatched from it therefore, law should stay,  its  keep.

The fourth estate remains in the forefront in declaring its love for the law, without embracing it, or  its offspring (Rules, Regulations, etc.) in any way or form.

The lovers of law, have made its life so miserable that eventually the beloved might be found missing and later appear on the TV screens, well trimmed and in a smartly dressed khaki uniform, ensconced behind the ”M” word.

BY: Tasneem Hameed







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4 Responses to HUMOROLOGY — EQUALAND; A Land Of Equals And Unique Systems

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  4. Arif Sohail says:

    Tasneem Bhai,

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