Some Funny Quotes

 

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in life?” The woman replied, “My husband’s check book!”

When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the bible and we had the land.

They said, “Let us pray!” We closed our eyes, and when we opened them, we had the bible and they had the land! – Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Little Stephanie was in the garden filling a hole, when her neighbor peered over the fence.humorous

Interested in what she was up to, he asked in his friendliest way, “What are you doing Stephanie?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Stephanie tearfully, without looking up, “and I have just buried him.”

The neighbor commented, “that’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish.”

Stephanie replied, “that’s because he’s inside the cat!

 

Think how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupeder than that. – George Carlin

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to end, some nut would be stupid enough to try and pass them. – Author Unknown

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. – Paul Honing

A math teacher was going over a problem on the blackboard with his students. A wealthy man dies and leaves behind 10 million dollars, he explained.

One fifth of the money is to go to his wife, one fifth to his son, and one sixth to his butler, and the rest of the money to charity.

Now class, what does each of these people get?

Silence filled the room. Finally a hand goes up in the back of the room and a student says, “A lawyer!”

 

With Thanks from

Humormeister’s Forum

 

 

 

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